Moving on

After I have finished penning down my thoughts into this entry, I will move on. Why? Because I deserve liberation, I am a worthy person just like any other, and I because I have God by my side, therefore I am strong.

As I grow older, there are people in my life that have inherent differences, characteristics and mentalities that I absolutely detest, yet I have to coexist with them. I am fortunate, for I do not have to spend a much longer time with them. Approximately 5 more months, and I will see her no more. I am fortunate, for I have my family and friends who can support me along this journey. I am fortunate, for I can rest peacefully in my faith, knowing that things will come to pass, and most importantly He has the perfect plan for me.

I will try my utmost best and desire to glorify God and not myself. It is hard, as human as I am, I desire for material benefits. It is also difficult this year, as studies get increasingly difficult, and I do have my occasional stressors. Tomorrow is definitely obscure, but I know I can put my trust in this almighty God that has seen me through the days – both good and bad.

Honestly, writing is a tool of liberation. It feels great getting this massive load (well, to me at least!) off my chest, and I feel much better now. :) I love life, my family, my friends, traveling, and there’s so much more to life than this, because my savior reigns!

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As the New Year Draws

As the New Year draws, I feel like there is a pressing need to address 2014 before we can even move onto the next. This year has had its peaks and downfalls, as usual. I guess whose year does not? When I was younger, I used to be preoccupied about looking back and seeing which year of my life was the “best”. Now, I have come to realize — what exactly constitutes a year as “best”, and furthermore, is it even possible that a year could go by without what I would classify as a “downfall”?

I think I may have mentioned this in one of my posts before, but I want to reiterate this for myself again once more. I think as all of us as sailors. We steer the direction of our life, we raise the masts of our own ships, and decide where we want to head in life. We define our own successes. A 3.6 GPA could satisfy Student A’s goal, but what success means to Student B could possibly only be a GPA of 3.2. Bringing home the bacon and trying to spend quality time with family could be a destitute’s definition of success, as he may have had to hold several jobs to keep his family afloat and not much time or energy left to spare. In this year of 2014, I’ve learnt what happiness truly means. Yet, at the same time of being subconsciously aware of what happiness meant to me, I chose to steer away from my own path and follow the crowd. Unhappiness struck again, for I knew not what I was doing with my life, aimlessly trying to attain that 4.0 GPA. I became miserable, bitter, selfish and I did not know who this mean soul was anymore.

I am on my way, patiently guiding myself on this path and what I want from my life is happiness, family, nature, health, love, being able to do what I love and finding my one true niche.

I’ve also come to realize that I’m not walking this journey alone. Someone is walking alongside me. He who calmed the storm. I’m thankful. I’m eternally grateful that God is such a big part of my life, blessed me immensely with good health, my sister, my family and held me through dark days.

As this year comes to a close, as the new year draws, I have a few new year resolutions that I feel can help me attain my goal in life:


1) I want to be a more grateful and giving person. I want to be more thankful for the little blessings in life, and I want to be a more giving person. I want to look past these material gains and whole-heartedly give back to society, EVEN THOUGH the people around me are materialistic. I want to be individualistic and not conform to this shallow, superficial pursuit of materialistic gains. Instead, we should be building up treasures in heaven. All these certificates and material things will soon come to pass. I want to give whole-heartedly and not focus so much on myself.


2) I want to slow down, humble myself down and be a more patient person with the people around me, especially those people who love me and did nothing to deserve my mistreatment. I want to cultivate more empathy for people around me and for society in general.


3) I want to take time to cultivate more interests and develop other aspects that make me human, other than academics. 2 months back, I got a ukulele and picked it up very quickly without any music background. Now, I’m in love with it and play it on a daily basis. I also found out that I love entertaining and speaking very much.


4) I want to learn to have less control over my life and let God take over. Nonetheless, I will be striving to be the best I can be. However, I’ve come to realize that obsessing over having complete control over my life has made me a very miserable person, and life is too short to be burying my head in a pillow sobbing.

Anyhow, I cannot believe that I have been writing anonymously for a little over a year now. It has been amazing to let out my feelings. I had initially started off this blog as an outlet for me to reflect on my life, thoughts, goals, aspirations, hardships and emotions. To have gained a small amount of readership is something I would have never thought of, and although I am not caught up with that, I have still thankful for it! :)

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Happiness and sadness are not two entities. In fact, they go hand in hand. I believe that no one can feel happy if they don’t have those down moments in life.

Throughout the course I have not been penning (typing, because we have advanced to modern age) down my thoughts, I have been thinking. And I realize that happiness isn’t that day when everything is going ever so smoothly and you cruise through the entire day without conflict with others, without conflict with self or without experiencing an unfortunate event. (Of course those rare days when we breeze through the entire day are nice to have)

Rather, happiness is a little balance beam of our mindsets, where we balance the positive and negative outlooks we have in life. I personally feel that I am slightly neurotic, and tend to place many more marbles on the negativity end of the beam, but I am learning. I admit that it is definitely is easier said than done, though. It’s easy to say when I have much fewer stressors in my life currently, thus circumstances are looking brighter for me.

Even though life has its blemishes, I still thank God because I am eternally grateful for Him giving me good health, seeing me through this academic year though I have been such an emotional wreck, an imperfect yet lovely family to cherish, a highly stressful yet great education system to be in, few yet very close and reliable friends, high stressful yet great opportunities, the list just goes on.

I have so many things to be thankful for. Yes, I may not go to Havard in the end. I may not draw an income of 10,000 bucks a month. I may not have a shapely body, a doll-like face. I may not have the greatest family. I may not have the best grades.

But I have a good education, I am leading a comfortable life and will continue to do so, because I know God will never forsake me. I know I have inner beauty even though I may not look exactly aesthetically appealing. I know I am loved and I know that the best gift my mom could have ever given me is my sister. I know I have okay grades and I know I have God to see me through each academic year even though my self esteem is hiding under the rocks. I know I have talents, though they may not be the most prominent. I can speak, I have empathy, I am determined, I can write (just a little). I think these are strengths that ought to be celebrated.

Hence, I have decided that happiness is determined by:

1) Balancing the little balance beam in our minds by striking a balance between the positive and negative outlook in life (I don’t believe in absolute positivity or absolute negativity because it would be easy to swing into a bipolar scale)

2) Being grateful and giving thanks.

3) Remember that even if you don’t have it all, know that you have enough. (inspired by C!!)

4) Remembering that if everything in life feels like it is crumbling apart, know that “this too shall pass”.

Okay that’s all and I am feeling inspired to go to church this Sunday very much.

And a little challenge for me this week is to be a little kinder than I feel, because some people have been getting on my nerves recently, and I think that I need to show them kindness in order to have peace myself, and so I shall! :-)

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New Dimension to Climate Change

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Doing good — What it truly means

This concept of “doing good deeds” and “feeling good” has been in my mind for quite some time. Today, I just want to pen down some thoughts about it. 

When not careful, these two ideas of feeling good and doing good deeds may be convoluted to form somewhat a wrong motivation for us when we do good.

I have been guilty of this before. Though subconscious, I have done good deeds (or what I deem as good — may not necessarily be helping an old lady cross the street, but could be purchasing an environmentally friendly and sustainable product sourced from small-scale farmers, etc.) for the “feel-good” feelings aka endorphins, that come after. That is not necessarily wrong, but it isn’t right. 

The motivation for our doings should be out of purity, goodness and desire to make this world a better place. 

If we don’t stop to ponder about our motivations for doing things, things may alter. If we let it. 

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(Check out the article here: 

This tweet caught my attention particularly for the heading “Biodiversity-friendly agriculture is not just a feel-good option — It increases food production”

In this digital age where social media sites and keeping up with internet trends (Take the song “Anaconda” by Nicki Minaj for example. I do not get why society is so caught up with it and the lyrics really bugs me) is so prevalent, and one would be called out for “living in stone age” not to do so, the motivations for doing good have shifted. With all these “Positivity Challenges” and ‘hashtagging’ kind acts you have done, though I applaud this initial intention of spreading kindness within our community, I think it has majorly changed our way we perceive good deeds. 

Good deeds now, are viewed as something trendy, means for us to keep up with social trends, and so that we can conform to societal norms. 

This brings me to the ALS ice bucket challenge. I have seen many properly done up videos where people do raise awareness about ALS. However, there are also countless who simply take up the challenge for the sake of it, without mentioning a single word about the disease. 

Hence, it is important that we do what we do, advocate for what we advocate for, and be who we truly are because we truly believe it. Not because it makes us feel good, nor should it be a mean for us to catch up with this hectic social trend race. 

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Respect is not something that comes cheap for me, not something I hold loosely at the tip of my fingers, certainly not something I am ready to dish out freely. Respect is however, something I hold very dearly, almost as if it is a precious, limited supply of natural resources, reluctant to brandish to undeserving ones, only reserving it for people who truly deserve it. 

Respect is the feeling of looking up to a person who is worthy of following in his or her footsteps, a person who loves, one who cares for others’ feelings, and certainly, one who respects others. After all, if one does not respect others, how can he expect to receive respect in return?

Unfortunately, this is the case for me, for now at least.

I respect you, A, only because you are A and looking from a deontologist’s point of view, it is my responsibility to upkeep my moral duty of respecting you. You do not respect B, simply because she cannot earn her keep and you despise her for that. You do not respect B, simply because you think lowly of her poor education and family background (or perhaps, none to begin with). 

Therefore, I am expected to respect you, a university graduate, clad in cologne and dyed hair to hide your blemishes. Through this facade, your blemishes shine even brighter than ever. Because I am one who looks through the appearance. I look into the heart. Truth be told, I have zero respect for you. Even so, holding zero respect for you would still be somewhat showing you some respect, as over the years, I would venture to say that the amount of respect in the reservoir reserved for you has diminished to a negative value. 

Oh, so a piece of paper you received from a university in Canada and the ability to make two thousand bucks a month (which, by the way, is peanuts in today’s society given inflation and other factors) makes you all high and mighty. I pity you. I pity you, for stooping so low, to pour out profanities in your anger on a woman. I pity you, for stooping even lower, to humiliating her and degrading her all these years, that back then, she wanted to end her life, but she didn’t — all praise to God, Amen! 

A leopard never changes its spots. I should have known better. I respect you out of moral duty to do so, but never would I respect you for your actions, choices, bad decisions. 



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God is for me, God is with me

I am extremely thankful for the opportunity to attend church today! As we sang “Be With You” during worship today, I am just reminded of God’s almighty grace and feel so thankful to be God’s precious child. God loves me and if our God is for us, who can ever be against us?

This is a time of extreme stress for me, however I am leaning not on my own strength, talent, but rather, I am seeking God’s strength and wisdom. 

Proverbs 3:5 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. 

God is in control of everything — all our problems in life, relationship strains, work related issues, stress and all things that bring us worry, anxiety and depression. Yes Lord, I will trust in you wholeheartedly and lean not on my own understanding of this obscure journey called life. 

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