As the New Year draws, I feel like there is a pressing need to address 2014 before we can even move onto the next. This year has had its peaks and downfalls, as usual. I guess whose year does not? When I was younger, I used to be preoccupied about looking back and seeing which year of my life was the “best”. Now, I have come to realize — what exactly constitutes a year as “best”, and furthermore, is it even possible that a year could go by without what I would classify as a “downfall”?
I think I may have mentioned this in one of my posts before, but I want to reiterate this for myself again once more. I think as all of us as sailors. We steer the direction of our life, we raise the masts of our own ships, and decide where we want to head in life. We define our own successes. A 3.6 GPA could satisfy Student A’s goal, but what success means to Student B could possibly only be a GPA of 3.2. Bringing home the bacon and trying to spend quality time with family could be a destitute’s definition of success, as he may have had to hold several jobs to keep his family afloat and not much time or energy left to spare. In this year of 2014, I’ve learnt what happiness truly means. Yet, at the same time of being subconsciously aware of what happiness meant to me, I chose to steer away from my own path and follow the crowd. Unhappiness struck again, for I knew not what I was doing with my life, aimlessly trying to attain that 4.0 GPA. I became miserable, bitter, selfish and I did not know who this mean soul was anymore.
I am on my way, patiently guiding myself on this path and what I want from my life is happiness, family, nature, health, love, being able to do what I love and finding my one true niche.
I’ve also come to realize that I’m not walking this journey alone. Someone is walking alongside me. He who calmed the storm. I’m thankful. I’m eternally grateful that God is such a big part of my life, blessed me immensely with good health, my sister, my family and held me through dark days.
As this year comes to a close, as the new year draws, I have a few new year resolutions that I feel can help me attain my goal in life:
1) I want to be a more grateful and giving person. I want to be more thankful for the little blessings in life, and I want to be a more giving person. I want to look past these material gains and whole-heartedly give back to society, EVEN THOUGH the people around me are materialistic. I want to be individualistic and not conform to this shallow, superficial pursuit of materialistic gains. Instead, we should be building up treasures in heaven. All these certificates and material things will soon come to pass. I want to give whole-heartedly and not focus so much on myself.
2) I want to slow down, humble myself down and be a more patient person with the people around me, especially those people who love me and did nothing to deserve my mistreatment. I want to cultivate more empathy for people around me and for society in general.
3) I want to take time to cultivate more interests and develop other aspects that make me human, other than academics. 2 months back, I got a ukulele and picked it up very quickly without any music background. Now, I’m in love with it and play it on a daily basis. I also found out that I love entertaining and speaking very much.
4) I want to learn to have less control over my life and let God take over. Nonetheless, I will be striving to be the best I can be. However, I’ve come to realize that obsessing over having complete control over my life has made me a very miserable person, and life is too short to be burying my head in a pillow sobbing.
Anyhow, I cannot believe that I have been writing anonymously for a little over a year now. It has been amazing to let out my feelings. I had initially started off this blog as an outlet for me to reflect on my life, thoughts, goals, aspirations, hardships and emotions. To have gained a small amount of readership is something I would have never thought of, and although I am not caught up with that, I have still thankful for it! :)