Self-love; what does it really mean? If we take a closer look, it really means loving yourself. What? Loving me? Loving the unlovable, terrible, horrible, atrocious, unforgivable and the less than impeccable me?
Yes. Self-love means loving yourself, loving me. It means accepting yourself, becoming your own best friend and saying with conviction that you deserve your own love.
The shaking of head, disapproval, shudders down the spine all went to indicate how much I abhorred the idea of loving me.
But upon further reflection, I realize that perhaps — perhaps I have been too hard on myself all this while. I have not been performing up to standard recently, and I have been feeling rather blue and upset about it because I just keep obsessing on how I could have done better. However, obsessing on what has already happened is not going to make me move forward in life, it could in fact (based on experience) hinder me from moving on with life. Life goes on and does not revolve around the point when I failed. There are going to be so many more challenges, and tests in life awaiting me. Am I going to let a few setbacks define the outcome at the end of the year?
So this is what I am going to do/ have done:
1) Write a letter of love and encouragement to myself (Done, below!)
2) Write out my goal setting for this year (DONE)
3) Write out an action plan to make sure that I achieve and do not fall short of those goals I have set for myself. (DONE)
4) Learn to love myself (as hard as it may seem, I am going to try)
5) Be less hard on myself WITHOUT compromising the goals I have set for myself.
You are an amazing person with a big heart for the world. I really admire you for having compassion for others who may be less fortunate than you and also your ability to empathize with others and care for them. Although you have some shortcomings, like your bad temper, pessimism, being snappy and irritable when things don’t go as you wish, these are aspects in your life that you CAN improve on because remember that nobody is perfect. Don’t be fooled by others, media or seemingly perfect people, because nobody is perfect and everyone has their shortcomings. You are also a very genuine, sincere and altruistic person, which is something that may allow you to be made use of but this is something I like about you. You are genuine and do not do things for superficial reasons or selfish benefits.
Remember that you are a special person even though society may tell you otherwise. I know the environment that you are placed in is very stressful and you cry a lot because of the intense pressure and when you don’t meet the high expectations you have of yourself, but that is okay. I can understand why you do so. Don’t feel guilty for crying. It is okay to cry.
I also wanted to let you know that I am very proud of you for not cutting yourself anymore. Guess what? You are now 1 month and 1 week “clean”. You deserve love because no matter how unlovable you think you are, no matter how how unforgivable the mistakes you think you have made, you deserve love. I am glad that you have found better coping mechanisms to deal with the emotional stress and pain you undergo and I applaud you for being a stronger person! Don’t be ashamed of the scars that you have left behind. They are the past and it is okay. They will soon go away (hopefully). If they don’t go away soon enough, try to accept them alright?
I know you are now going through a very stressful period and may be self-pitying at times. Although that is not a very desirable trait, I can understand and empathize with you for why you do that. Just try your best and remember to trust God. You need to always keep in mind that God will give you strength even when you feel like you have none. :)
Remember not to be too hard on yourself. Although you have not been performing up to your own expectations, keep in mind that you are still salvageable. It isn’t the end yet. Ask for help when you need it. You need to be strong, be determined and work hard for what you want. You are clear of your goals, so work towards that! Through it all, trust God and have faith. Praise God for everything you have been blessed with, even if you are not satisfied with it because every little gift is a gift from above.
Lastly, just remember that you are not a bad or terrible person. You are a good person, believe me! Just work hard, be strong and everything will be okay! :)